Soliloquy
by shihx
Summary: Shiho recollects the events of her life as she awaits her execution before it takes another twist of reality. Oneshot.


It was a calm day. September had just rolled in, and though the leaves hadn't turned gold, the weather, once scorching, had started to ease. In a quiet building tucked in Japan's best kept borough, a hint of Spandau Ballet's True could be heard from afar.

Sherry smiled. Her sight hovered at the steel bar at where her wrist was incarcerated above her head level. It was incongruously funny how at a time like this, a time when she was waiting for death to come fetch her, it was a helpless 80s song playing.

To think again, it was a funny life she lived.

She was birthed into a vast darkness; loneliness was her childhood friend. That, and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich luncheon among the silent crowds in the dining hall of one of world's leading science institutes. Earlier in her days in the US, she would come home early after classes and greeted her parents. Except it was only their photograph. Her professors would convince her that she should feel accomplished at how much she has fared in such a young age. She smiled and thanked them to make things simpler. They said no truth could cure the sorrow from the loss of a loved one. She thought she hadn't even loved them long enough to argue.

There was a moment though, when all the happiness in the world was hers. When the superiors announced her withdrawal back to Japan, the picture of her beloved sister was crystal clear in her brain; as if she was only five inches in front of her. Unsurprisingly, she didn't get to meet her sister at once when she arrived. Instead, she got to work for them. She was tricked into believing that it was a noble cause she was running for, and not until she witnessed her own partner taking an innocent soul away did she realize how wrong was her belief was.

Of course, death wasn't a new thing for her. But seeing a life wasting away, from an entity of her creation, in the hands of a man that had been sleeping in her bed? She couldn't quite convey the pang of dread she experienced. That was how her life had been since; dissecting one death after another, perfecting the venomous silent weapon the organization had her make. As a result of her brilliance, each of its tasters was dead. Oh! Except one whose demise hadn't been confirmed. What was his name? Kudo? Even until then she could remember how intrigued yet hopeful she was for an experimental failure.

She felt at ease once she first met her sister after a long time, as if her cheerfulness radiated into her soul and broke her wall of sorrow. That was as expected from Akemi, but she was adding to meeting her little sister that it was also because the man that sat beside her, that day.

Sherry would see him again days later. He would, whether or not intentionally, protect her from time to time. Sometimes she wondered how he ended up in the same pitfall as she did, while he had all the might not to. He didn't say anything. He answered by showing her how he had no more heart than the rest of members. Sometimes it wasn't too convincing.

One day, he disappeared, and Sherry had to go through yet another period of disappointment. What had become of him? How did she even come to trusting him? What possessed her into trusting her sister into this random man? _How did she even come to trusting him?_ A rumor spread weeks later how he was a spy for an enemy agency. She remembered how she shifted from referring him as partner to plainly as a mole; that night, by crying herself to sleep at the very second she no longer believed in hope.

When she heard her sister died, a big part of what remained in her body went away with her soul. How did that happen? How did everything she valued end up in ashes? First it was her parents, who left her even before she understood well what death was. Then, it was Gin's design. Then hope, by a person who turned out to have only used her, not in any senses different than the rest of the organization. And then there came the time for her only ray of sun, Akemi. Where was he? Where were the promises he made her hold on to?

Now that her end was nigh, she was still undecided whether or not should she feel sad. She pulled out her hand from its lengthy stay in her white coat pocket. It didn't come out empty; it was none other than her own brainchild that accompanied her to her deathbed. She smiled again. Funny how in the last few hours of her life, she smiled even more than she ever did in all those 18 years combined.

"In a minute, _onee-san_."

She thought of her sister as she struggled against the cuff to put the pill on her tongue. And then, she thought of her parents—their face hazy from a faint memory—when she closed her eyes. As she got rid of the shadows that tore her apart—Gin's grin, Moroboshi Dai's stare—she smiled for the last time.

Soon enough, that smile fled from her lips. But it wasn't the reaper that stole it. Instead, Sherry's eyes were wide awake; her body thrusting against the steel bar that held her captive. She felt a horrendous surge of pain within her chest. No, even pain was a euphemism. Her whole body was pounding, trembling, excruciating from head to toe. _Is this how death feels like? Is this how death supposed to feel like? _She screamed her lungs out, but all she heard was silence. Had she known how wrenching it was to die this way, she would have tried to redeem herself in prior. Of course life wasn't about to let her get away for all the sins she committed. Of course, it was this much for her to atone. For once, she wished her heart was ripped straight away from her. She wished she could skip the life left on her to the dark limbo that was death. It was few seconds past the minute she promised to reconcile with the dead, yet strangely, she had never felt more painfully alive.

When sense gradually made its way back into her, she could hear the hasty steps outside, and how they resonated louder as they raced toward the room. Still gasping irregularly, she saw her frantic hand on the floor, no more restrained by the cuff. Something was strange, but she didn't have enough conscience to figure it out. The steps outside tapped like a manic drum; faster, louder, closer. She impelled her trunks across the room. Easily, because her body was lighter. She returned gaze at her hands, and realized it was much, much smaller. That time, only two words stroke a chord as she struggled to hold her conscience. One of them was '_redemption'_; the other was '_Kudo'_. She saw her sister smiling as she let go of her tiny hand. She headed over the trash chute.

It was unfortunate how her head was the only thing not entirely inside it when a very familiar figure managed to storm into the room, greeting her with his distinctive grin and the very particular way he had always addressed her as. She tried to push herself, but without a limb functioning and the rest weakened it was only natural that it ended in vain. Sherry was paralyzed. She could only watch when the bullet he sent her drilled through her skull. She thought of her life; her lonely childhood in no man's land, her parents—or at least what remained of them in her loving memory—her sister, and the breath of life her spy boyfriend once teased her with. The hope he made her believe she had, the promises that couldn't be met nor unmade.

She screamed her lungs out, but all she heard was silence.

True was still faintly playing. That hopeless, 80s tune of a song was about to reach its final verse. '_Onee-san_', in a manner too lifeless, was Sherry's last word.

* * *

Ai jerked from her sleep, sweating all over. Her mouth opens wide as it helps facilitate her poor respiration. Slowly, she regained her breathing and her heart stops pounding uncontrollably. She found herself in her room in Hakase's house, covered conveniently under his blanket. Her hand is wet from the towel once put in her forehead. From the distance of what seems to be the dining room, True is repeating itself. She takes a deep breath and exhales in relief. _That nightmare strikes too much lately_. She said to herself.

She grabs her phone as she gets up from the bed. 2 messages unread.

_Agasa-hakase is fetching me and the kids from the police station. But we'll be back at least at 5 p.m, so I asked Ran to drop you your lunch. How's your cold? You really need some break from whatever it is that's eating your health. __-Kudo_

Funny. Does he know what's eating her health might include her working overnight to create the antidote? She has made sure Hakase is completely silent about it, though.

Speaking of silence, the house should be of it. But no; there are noises outside the room.

Ai winced her eyes. She looked over at the clock; it was 2.30 p.m. Hakase shouldn't have been home. The noises seem to be from clashing metals, but it was pretty faint. She was convinced enough she wasn't alone at home when True plays louder. Someone has turned up the volume, most possibly to cover his own noises. She puts her phone into her pajama pocket stealthily, a manner in which she pertains when she pulls the drawer in search for any spare stun-watch. She soon remembers that the only spare was running out of battery and Hakase planned to buy it later with her in the evening. She rotates her eyes. She has no choice but to use the mock gun as her weapon, replacing the dried roses she used to tease Kudo some time ago with stun darts. She went outside, hoping that there's any hint of skill from her organization days that stays, and the mock gun spring to be forceful enough to propel the dart.

It was fairly easy to go around the house unnoticed as a child, since there are a lot of counters above her height in the house that would cover her shadows. Furthermore, the playing song also favors her stealth. It was also fairly easy to spot the culprit as the noises led just where he was at. He was bending to seek something in a lower drawer of a cabinet, his build hidden behind it. _Amateur_, she thinks.

"Rise and show your empty hands up." she commands calmly.

As he does as she told, the accused part reveals himself. "Isn't it dangerous for a child to be playing with that, hm?"

Ai puts down her 'weapon', as she does her guard. "It's just a mock."

"My apologies." He said, smiling as he follows her to the kitchen. "You were sleeping and I heard you weren't fit, so I couldn't make myself wake you up when I arrived."

"Strange." She said. This guy; she should have known if it was him. She should have felt it; that aura he emits. But not until she spotted him around the kitchen did she guess it could be this sneaky neighbor of hers, and it was only by common sense she did—what kind of burglar would steal pans and pots anyway? That, and his tendency to show up out of the blue. But she used to have strong sense when he did, and it had assisted her in upping her alertness. Since when did she start letting her guards down by any bit?

"Well, what is?" he asked, witnessing her uncover the pot and take up the aroma of his almost done stew. "I reckoned it was the most ordinary that I stop by to cook. Especially when lunch isn't close to being readied and a girl, with a fever, is in need of it the most."

She leaves the man with his stew and grabs a seat on a stool by the island counter. "Was it Edogawa-kun or Hakase who told you to come?"

"Both of them." By then, the stew is done and he serves two helpings on the island before claiming a seat beside the girl. "However, it was the kids that informed me you were unwell, thus I brought with me a towel so that I didn't have to raid your cabinet yet still able to contribute in helping you tone down the temperature."

Ai takes out her phone. The second unread message was from Kudo, confirming that Subaru was coming instead of Ran, who was trapped in her karate training. "Still, that doesn't mean you can just sneak into someone's room when she is asleep."

"Well, for tending you without your consent, I apologize."

She would like to scream in front of his face how he should not treat her like a child—and that she isn't—but that would be foolish. She digests her stew as True is replaying for God knows how many times. She rolls her eyes. "You don't need consent to turn it off."

He smiled. "I don't. But I get the feeling that we should hear the song."

* * *

_I bought a ticket to the world_

_But now I've come back again_

_Why do I find it hard to write the next line?_

_Oh, I want the truth to be said_


End file.
